It's official now. Sparkling water isn't just part of assimilating to German culture anymore but has become an integral part of the alpha male morning routine, alongside dipping your face in a bowl of ice water and wiping it with a banana peel. That's still better skincare than 80% of crypto bros. 

It's also better PR than whatever the f*ck the Solana Foundation assumed to be a good ad. 

Story One

Solana PR gone wrong 

Some time last week, it feels long ago,  the official Solana account posted a clip depicting a guy, supposedly an impersonation of America, going to therapy and ranting to his therapist about how genders keep him from inventing stuff. 

In short, it was one of the most tone-deaf, transphobic ads you could publish on your official timeline, while conveniently forgetting that Rust, the programming language Solana uses, was developed by trans devs. CT quickly united in condemning this ad, pointing out that Solana had only recently issued marketing materials claiming it was for everyone. 

As the backlash grew, the team decided to delete the ad. But it goes on to live forever onchain as someone had the foresight to download it and upload the video on Zora. Later, Solana founder Anatolu tweeted an apology, but the damage was done. 

Takeaway: It's not exactly surprising that Solana went full Maga marketing. A little common sense would have gone a long way here. 

Story Two

A win for privacy 

Moving on to better news, the US Treasury Department has lifted sanctions on Tornado Cash. Tornado Cash is a mixing service that obfuscates the trail of transfers you usually leave behind when sending crypto across wallets. As such, it provides privacy to anyone who doesn't want the whole world to know where they send their funds. 

The service became a target of the OFAC because it was said to have facilitated the laundering of $7 billion in funds, among them 0.5 billion by the North Korean Hacker group Lazarus. On a side note, it's nice to know you're never truly alone as a crypto holder; Lazarus is always there trying to get into your wallet. 

With sanctions put on it, anyone using it was essentially engaging in illicit activities. The news also benefited the native Tornado Cash token, which rose steeply in value upon the announcement. 

Takeaway: Privacy is a human right. And hackers have evolved; last time I checked, Lazarus was launching memecoins to clean the trail of their funds. 

Story Three

Penguin ETF? 

A common phrase on X these days is "you can just do things." 

Maybe that's what compelled Canary Capital to apply for a Penguin ETF. Of course, not any penguins, but Pudgy Penguins, a cute NFT collection that amassed a massive following on Web2 socials and sells plush toys in Walmart. 

In other words, the NFT project has the most exposure to normal people. Canary thinks that's a good enough reason to apply for an ETF. 

Probably how Canary feels after sending in that application.

The ETF would mostly hold the Pengu token, a token launched to Pudgy Penguin holders, and a handful of Pudgy NFTs. Neither has been performing great in the past few months, and it doesn't help that there's no real utility for Pengu coin except for selling. 

Note that one can apply for any kind of ETF—sparkling water, for example—but approval is anything but secure. And if that wasn't enough reason to question Canary's judgment, they also applied for a Litecoin ETF. 

Takeaway: You can just do things, which implies you can also just not. In this case, I don't think an ETF will do much for Pudgy Penguin. 

Fact of the week: Sparkling water was first artificially created (there are some naturally occurring ones) in the 1750s, when the scientist Gabriel Francois Venel added hydrochloric acid and soda to pure water. We have the privilege of buying it. If you're considering adding it to your morning routine, the lobby claims it's also good for productivity. However, from personal experience, I can't quite confirm this. 

If someone were to ask me if I wrote this in one sitting.

Naomi for CoinJar